It has been quite the ride for me over the last seven months. At the moment, I am in a state of waiting. This is a state of impatience at nauseam that is both mind-boggling and heart wrenching. Over the last few days I have had some tests done at the cardiologist. I am praying and pleading for the outcome I want.
Today I am hoping to hear back from my doctor with those test results. It is a fine, tightrope of a line that I find myself on. One result will mean another open heart surgery, and probably soon. The other will send me back to the drawing board where I have been for the last 10 months. I am more fearful of the latter. Isn’t that something… Continue reading “Wonder Woman & The Waiting Game”
“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
– Philippians 4:13
Well 2016 was going to be the year of my SMILE! It started off that way. My divorce was final, I had a place of my own and a job that I loved. I was walking on sunshine, baby, not a thing in the world was going to bring me down. I was even attending Bible study every week and getting my Jesus on. Joy abound in my heart and in my life. I was happy, heathy, killing it in the gym, dating, spending quality time with my family, it was like I had finally reached steady, solid ground. I mean, for the first time in years I was laughing joyfully on a daily basis and nothing in my foreseeable future was going to bring me down. Oh boy, I was in for a world of hurt right around the corner and had no idea a metaphorical Mack truck was about to turn my life upside down.
I hear the scripture above a lot, from so many people. It is a great reminder, but sometimes I feel like some people don’t understand the story behind this famous scripture quote. This quote comes from a letter that Paul wrote to the Philippians, and leading up to this he tells them that he has learned to be content in whatever situation he may find himself in. The highs and lows, abundance and starvation, every trial he has faced in life he understands he will be okay and he knows this now because he has learned that he can do all things through him who gives him strength. That is the key we often miss. Continue reading “Take Chances”
“This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
– Joshua 1:9
It’s been a while since I have had much to say. This blog was created as a place so I could share my story with other congenital heart patients. Being one of the oldest living patients with my condition, I tend to be some what of a rarity. Sometimes it’s really cool. Other times it can be quite intimidating. 2016 has actual knocked me on my strong little bum more than once. The beauty is, this little lady never stays down very long.
I do have to say the last two months however, have opened my eyes to an entirely new world. Our world, this big fantastic place full of so much wonder, seems to be in so much turmoil. It’s actually very heartbreaking. When you realize how short and precious life really is, it should be about finding your joy. What makes you laugh out loud, love wildly and want to dance in the rain with you hands in the air? We are all human. We all bleed red and we all return to ash when we go. So why do we spend centuries fighting, hating and arguing? I think in part it has to do with fear. We are all afraid of something. Of dying, or not finding our love, our happiness or of being heard. Continue reading “What If…”
“Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.” – 1 Peter 1:8
Can I tell you that lately I have been feeling amazing?!! Really! I feel the best I have in my entire life. I have been in the gym like a BEAST. Like a real girl, with a whole heart! God is so good. Joy is pumping in my veins and my spirit like a rush of adrenaline right before you drop in a roller coaster ride. I am on fire and I can’t say enough happy things. Continue reading “Pumped Full of Joy”
Always do the things you fear the most. Courage is an acquired taste, like caviar. ~ Erica Jong
This is going to take some courage for me to share. But I am hopeful it will be helpful for others. That is the only reason that I am sharing. To help others. Whether it be my family or some daughter or son on the other side of the world reading this post at 3am in a few months or years from now.
For many years I have been struggling to have some semblance of a relationship with my mother. A mother whom through my life has been different characters. Loving and kind, off the wall, a friend and an enemy. When I was a child she was betty homemaker and a room mother, and I loved being her doll. Watching her get ready, “helping her make dinner”, putting puzzles together, etc. She also had a wild side and a very dark side that I wouldn’t know until my dad left. But she has always loved me and my brother the very best way she knew how. She loves us dearly and I have no doubt that she would do anything she could for us. It hasn’t been until very recently that I have come to realize this. For a while over the past few years I thought she was flat out crazy. Often I have thought she was a bad mother, and other times I have considered the fact that she disliked me somewhere deep inside.
Continue reading “My Bipolar Mom”
“How great are His signs, how mighty are His wonders! His kingdom is an eternal kingdom; His dominion endures from generation to generation.” ~ Daniel 4:3
Every time I write something on this blog I feel like I am in some sort of place of crisis or of learning. And when I thought about writing over the past year I felt as if everyone was tired of the same old song and dance. Woe is me. . . Now I am better! So I stopped writing. My life is a roller coaster. And I didn’t feel as though this blog was contributing to much more than
stroking my ego, licking my wounds, a place for me to hear nice things from people. Is that right. . .
Last week I suppose my doctor read my blog because she said I should start writing again. Funny!?! I didn’t even know she read my blog. My first response to her was, I am not writing because I am focusing on my book. It wasn’t untrue. I am doing that. And I just wasn’t writing my blog anymore. But the thing is, maybe now I have more to say. Maybe now is the time to start writing again in every way.
Continue reading “Standing In the Fire!”
Verse of the Day:
“…let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” – Matthew 5:16
This last month and a half has kicked me in the gut. Period. But the last week has really been the most daunting, yet beautiful. Funny how that works out sometimes. The week following Easter I am finding joy in all my sorrow.
For those of you closest to me you know I have been dealing with a personal battle, one that I won’t share… but now I am facing another physical battle. I went to the cardiologist last week… these dang appointments… I should just stop going. I have been saying it for years. Haha! I went because I feel like crap again… well I mean my heart feels like someone is squeezing all the juice out of it every 10 it 15 minutes. And then I am fine… and then it happens again… This my dear friends is called a PVC, or my pacemaker is pacing my ventricle. I only have one so it’s that one… LOL! Basically it feels awful and I want to rip the thing right out of my body, but I can’t because my atrium no longer beats at all without it… I mean at all… nothin’… GREAT!! Continue reading “Tears In My Eyes”